What Helped Us and What Science Supports

As a mother, doula, and birthworker, and now a passionate advocate, I’ve looked deeply at what helped me heal, what helped my daughter feel safe, and what helped us rebuild our bond. Research supports all these practices.

Skin to Skin Care (“Kangaroo Care”)

Even when infants are preterm or medically fragile, research finds that skin to skin contact (SSC), ideally initiated early and maintained regularly, offers profound benefits for both baby and parent.

For infants:

SSC supports physiological stability (better breathing, regulated heart rate, and thermoregulation), reduces stress hormones, and supports neurobehavioral development.

For parents:

SSC reduces anxiety and postpartum stress and supports bonding, helping mothers and fathers feel empowered in their parental role, even in the midst of NICU care.

In a recent trial, infants who received SSC in the first hours after birth had better observed attachment behaviors by 4 months.

Attachment and Relationship Focused Care & Emotional Support

When parents are invited into the NICU as part of care, encouraged to hold, talk to, and care for their babies, outcomes improve. Families report lower traumatic stress and better maternal mental health, and children show more stable development.

Conversely, forced separation, especially early and prolonged, disrupts bonding processes and may contribute to long term emotional or developmental difficulties.

Parent Involvement Post Discharge: Touch, Touch, Connection

After leaving the NICU, powerful tools for healing include practices like infant massage, babywearing or baby carrying, skin to skin at home, and responsive caregiving. While fewer studies focus on this period, what exists suggests these practices help restore connection, foster secure attachment, support neural development, and ease ongoing anxiety or stress.

In other words, healing is not one and done. It’s a journey, and consistent love, touch, and presence matter deeply.

My Story and What I Hope for You

When my daughter was born, she went to the NICU. I remember walking through the sterile halls, hearing beeps and warnings, peering into incubators, and feeling utterly powerless. I couldn’t hold her. I couldn’t soothe her. I could barely even touch her.

Those first weeks felt like suspended time. I told myself, “As soon as she is stable, I’ll hold her. I’ll nurse her. I’ll catch up.” But “later” stretched out. Fear, doctors, tubes, monitors, and rules pushed closeness away.

When we finally came home, I realized we both carried scars. My daughter seemed guarded. I was scared to touch, afraid of triggering pain or startling her. I questioned whether I had failed her.

But then I learned about kangaroo care. I also learned about the benefits of infant massage. About babywearing. We also discussed trauma informed dyadic therapy. It’s about fostering a connection, day by day, touch by touch, and breath by breath.

I began to hold her, not just physically, but emotionally. I sang to her. I whispered how proud I was. I remembered how fragile we both had been and how much strength we had.

Over time, I saw changes. Her body relaxed. She held my gaze more often. She started to smile. Her soft sighs replaced harsh cries. And something in me softened too. My guilt, my fear, and my pain transformed into purpose.

That is why I believe, with all my heart, in gentle, intentional, trauma informed care. I believe in giving families the tools to reconnect. I believe in advocating for “zero separation” when medically possible. I believe no parent should feel powerless.

Gentle Steps Toward Healing and Reconnection

Use trauma informed dyadic care.

Look for indicators of stress, sensory sensitivity, avoidance, or emotional distance, and think about therapy that helps the relationship between the parent and the baby (not just the baby or the parent alone).

Put your mental health first.

Ask for help, talk about your concerns and grief, get support from other NICU parents or doulas, and don’t forget to take care of yourself.

Be patient and give yourself time to recover.

It doesn’t happen overnight. The road could be slow, but every little touch, caring look, and whispered “I’m here” makes you stronger, more trusting, and more connected.

A Message of Love and Hope

If you are reading this and your heart still hurts because your baby was small, the NICU was frigid, or you felt helpless, know this:

You are not damaged.

Need more help?

I am here to support you and your Tampa family! Reach out with any questions you might have.

Contact Me